Welcome! How can I help you?

I specialize in helping successful gay men (individuals, and gay male couples) close the gap between how life is, and how you would like it to be, in important areas of your life, such as your:
- Emotions
- Behavior
- Health
- Career
- Relationships

I draw on over 15 years of professional experience in providing counseling and psychotherapy to gay men just like you, and from my own lifetime experience as a gay man.

I offer a Podcast; you can subscribe to this via the link to iTunes

Of course, I also work with some lesbians, and with non-gay men and women; it’s just that working with gay men has been a specialty of my practice, research, writing, and expertise. You can see other pages here on my website for articles I’ve published in the area of gay men’s mental health, men’s psychology, psychotherapy, counseling, and coaching, and in the areas of psychiatric social work, life coaching, and HIV mental health.

What’s brought you to my website today? What is the thing that you want to see CHANGE about your life?

–Are you feeling depressed, such as not feeling good about yourself, feeling that no one is really there for you, being unmotivated, losing enthusiasm for work or life, or that the future looks dull or mundane?
–Have you been anxious, on-edge, or sleepless, due to some stressful condition or event?
–Do you have concerns that you are drinking too much, or using party drugs too often?
–Do you have a partner, but you’re frustrated that the two of you argue too frequently about chores, sex, drinking, money, or stress?
–Are you scared of what the future may hold because you’ve recently tested positive for HIV?
–Are you feeling frustrated that time keeps going by and you still don’t have a boyfriend or partner?
–Are you feeling stressed about work before the day even begins, or exhausted from stress once it’s over?
–Do you hold dreams of changing careers, or want to learn how to cope better with the job you have?
–Are you trying to get a grip on an anger problem that currently often gets the best of you?
–Are you trying to deal with the feelings and memories of having been abused when you were younger - physically, emotionally, or sexually?
–Or are you doing pretty well in your life, but you still want someone to talk in private about important personal goals like making more money, improving your body image, or just feeling better about yourself?

I use a variety of techniques in gay-male-focused, affirmative, positive, and supportive counseling, psychotherapy, and life coaching. The work I do most often includes helping gay men and others to…
- Feel more motivated, confident, and viable again after being depressed
- Feel more relaxed and comfortable in situations that used to provoke intense anxiety
- Cope with alcohol, cocaine, crystal meth, and other addictions, and feel stronger, healthier, and liberated from the tyrrany of addiction
- Develop strategies for social anxiety to be less isolated, and put yourself confidently “out there” so you can meet someone you like — or love
- Develop strategies for planning your career, learning new skills, preparing for advanced education, or professional networking
- Defuse and de-escalate anger and relax, where you maybe you used to blow up and pay a high price for anger (such as domestic violence or legal trouble)
- Come to terms with being an abuse survivor, process what happened, heal through the pain, and live well on the other side of it
- Gain assertive communication skills to ask for — and get — what you want. I teach the principles of a strong, healthy self-esteem and assertive communication skills that carry over into getting what you need and want from many aspects of life
- Helping gay couples learn to communicate better, forge compromises, improve sex, and learn to appreciate the best in one another - recapturing the “old spark”
- Showing people newly diagnosed with HIV realize that life does go on, your dreams are still possible and important, and that you can be healthy and confident again. (I know; I’ve been living with HIV successfully myself for over 17 years now…)

HOW IT’S DONE
Trusting a therapist well enough to call for an appointment takes courage, and I honor and respect the need to know something about me before taking that kind of step. First, I’m a licensed psychotherapist who identifies as openly gay and openly HIV-positive. I say that because for over 15 years I have specialized in working with gay men and people with HIV, though of course I am happy to work with many different kinds of people.

My job is to help gay men and others improve their health, quality of life, and personal growth by helping them overcome barriers and achieve personal goals. I’ve been licensed in California since 1997, and I’ve been doing this work full-time since 1992. I’m the author of a book, and number of articles and columns (see the tab above for those, elsewhere on this website), and I give workshops as a public speaker. I do consulting work to organizations and the media on gay men’s issues. While I help individuals, I am also proud of the community advocacy work I do and occasionally grass-roots activism through my writing.

I offer a Podcast; you can subscribe to this via the link to iTunes

One of the benefits of working with me is my perspective in helping so many others with perhaps very similar challenges to yours, who have come in the years before you. I know gay men’s issues professionally because I’ve made a study of gay men’s mental health, and because unlike other therapists who claim to work with gay issues, I AM a gay man, 24/7.
I know HIV issues beyond other therapists who say they know and work with HIV because I’ve studied HIV (especially the mental health and psychosocial aspects) for over 17 years and lived with HIV successfully myself also for over 17 years.

I know about local life in West Hollywood and Los Angeles, its culture and dynamics, rewards and challenges, because I’ve lived here as an adult for nearly 25 years.

Background
I am a graduate of UCLA (BA, 1987) and of the USC School of Social Work (MSW, 1994), where I received special training and certification in working with people with psychiatric disorders (depression, bipolar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, panic disorder, social anxiety, etc.).

Before my career as a therapist, I was in the corporate world, where I gained many of the skills I use when I coach people on supervising others and other workplace skills. For a number of years, I was a clinician and administrator in non-profit organizations, where I was Clinical Director of 2 AIDS service organizations, supervising departments of mental health, case management, treatment education, peer support, and home health.

I was a monthly columnist on HIV mental health issues for A&U, America’s AIDS magazine, for 2 years, and these collected columns form the basis of my self-published book, Positive Outlook: How to Successfully Live with HIV Today. I’m a frequent contributor to Frontiers and IN LA magazines in Los Angeles, as well as POZ and Instinct magazines, and to various television projects.

My job is to provide you with a private, safe, confidential space to come each week, at a time set aside just for you, with my undivided attention, where you can work toward goals that are important to you and that would relieve you of burdens or improve your quality of life. Everything we talk about is strictly confidential, except for the most extreme legal situations (like if you were suicidal and a few others I could explain).

Many people think they have to really “need” therapy to come in; that’s not really true. Our work can begin whenever you WANT it to. There is really no such thing as people who “need” therapy versus people who don’t. Everyone could benefit from knowing themselves better and setting goals to improve their life.

The most common technique I use is called the cognitive-behavioral approach. This is a very interactive technique to change the way you think about yourself, which changes the way you feel, which changes your behaviors, which then changes your life in all kinds of positive ways. With some people, I also draw from a more casual “life coaching” approach, where you learn how to get more things done, deal with anger, manage your time, deal with drinking or using, make a budget, plan your career, feel better about yourself, or communicate better with others.

What is happening with you that I might be able to help with? I hope I earn your trust enough to let me work with you.
Contact me at the email form at the bottom of this page if you have questions or would like to learn more. If you would like an appointment, I can usually see you within the same business week.

Other Services
I also offer you:
Couples Counseling — I help gay, lesbian, and straight couples achieve a more satisfying relationship by learning how to “really” communicate with each other, reducing the number or intensity of fights, having more or better sex, negotiating the details of spicing up a monogamous relationship or having an open relationship, or dealing with other types of stress that impact a relationship like illness, money troubles, or difficulties with the “in-laws.”

Drug/Alcohol/Addiction Services — It seems that over the past couples of years I’ve been helping more guys in the community with issues related to their use of crystal meth or cocaine. I also help people with changing other behaviors like too much gambling, too much sex, or other “too much” behaviors. To do this, I help them using very familiar programs like the 12 Steps, but I also incorporate the use of the Harm Reduction Model, which is for people who don’t like 12-Step programs but still want help.

Phone Counseling — If you can’t make it in in person, I offer my clients the option of calling in for a phone session, such as from a hotel on a business trip or from a film location for actors or production staff.

Executive Coaching Services for executives who have trouble with people in the office getting along, or who want to be more productive and satisfied in their work.

Career Counseling Services for people who are searching for a new job, changing their career, or who want to ask for a raise, supervise a staff, or cope with a difficult boss.

Weekend Counseling — If you need an appointment on a Saturday or Sunday, I work with an associate, Geoff Milam, MSW, ASW at 917-754-2816. He is not yet licensed, yet is a competent and fine therapist in his own right who graduated from a prestigious and rigorous graduate training program at New York University (NYU). He is legally able to work with clients under my license with regular oversight and clinical supervision, at a somewhat reduced fee rate. Call him directly for information on fees and appointment times. Geoff focuses on serving the gay community, but works with many different kinds of people. Another associate, Michael Kaltenbach, LCSW, is a very talented therapist who also offers weekend appointments in my office at 323-646-1139. So if you really need a Saturday or Sunday appointment, Geoff and Michael are wonderful resources for this.

Speaking Engagements/Workshops are something I offer on a variety of topics, such as “How to Have the Life You Want!”, “No More ‘Cheating’: How to Have an Open Relationship without Hurt Feelings” (for gay male couples), “HIV and Aging”, “HIV 101,” “Stress Management,” “Your Mind and Money,” “Moved to Move: Motivation for Exercise,” and “Beyond Condoms: HIV Prevention Via Sexual Harm Reduction”. The times, locations, and fees for these are negotiated based on the date and location. See other pages on website for more information on this, or email me at the form below.

Insurance
If you request, I can provide you with standard forms you can submit so you can receive at least some reimbursement if you have PPO health insurance with out-of-network benefits. There are pros and cons to doing this, which we can discuss when we talk. There are many benefits to just hiring me privately and leaving the “Big Brother” aspects of the insurance industry out of our work entirely. I can also provide you with receipts so you can deduct the cost of sessions with me from your taxes as either a medical expense or a business consultation expense (subject to IRS limitations; see your tax accountant for details).

How to Get Started
Sessions are 45-50 minutes in length, and I recommend that we meet once per week, on the same day and time each week, so you keep the momentum going to reach the goals you set for yourself.

Your rights are protected by my full compliance with the laws of the State of California and with the Codes of Ethics as a member of the California Board of Behavioral Sciences, the National Association of Social Workers, the California Association of Marriage & Family Therapists, the California Welfare & Institutions Code, and federal HIPAA laws.
Sound good? OK! For more information or to schedule an appointment, just call my office anytime (24-hour voicemail) at 310-726-HELP (4357). Let me know a little about how I can help you. Tell me some good times to reach you, and I’ll call you back very soon. (Giving me your work number or your cell phone number might help me to reach you faster.)
If you would like to receive my FREE bimonthly newsletter via US Mail, “Have The Life You Want,” just email me at the form below with “Newsletter Request” in the Subject line. This is mailed hard copy, so be sure to include your US Postal address.

For more information, please also see the other pages of my website.

Thanks again for visiting. I look forward to meeting you!

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Licensed Clinical Social Worker

San Diego Gay-friendly relationship specialist; couples and individuals: Learn practical skills for extraordinary relationships. Do you long to be in a happy, committed relationship, but are afraid to try again? Have you found that even though you change partners, the same problems keep showing up? Do some couples “just have it” and some “just don’t”?

If you’ve been asking yourself these questions and would like some answers, I can help. I’ve been there, and I’ve learned that it’s not magic that helps you find and keep love, it’s knowing how to make healthy choices from the start and learning the simple skills that keep a relationship alive. Really, it doesn’t have to be so hard.

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Licensed Clinical Social Worker

When client and therapist form a connection, a healing process begins. Within the context of a safe, supportive relationship, new development emerges, for children, adults, couples and families. Old patterns and beliefs give way to new growth. Trauma and loss that have interfered with intimacy can be processed and integrated, freeing the spirit to live more fully. The static created by emotional baggage is cleared away, allowing new awareness and clear communication.

Each client-therapist relationship is unique. I use a wide range of theories and techniques to customize treatment. Some people find cognitive-behavioral techniques helpful for managing thoughts and moods. Others use expressive modalities like art, writing, and play to facilitate their healing process. For some people, intensive talk therapy (3 to 5 times per week) is a life-changing experience.

I provide clinical supervision and consultation to both licensed and unlicensed therapists and offer workshops on a variety of topics including: Adolescents, Trauma Recovery, Attachment, Sand play Therapy, Residential and Day Treatment of Adolescents, Juvenile Delinquency, Communication, Stress Management.

I have specialty training in Expressive Arts Therapies, Leadership and Management, Trauma Recovery, Attachment, Substance Abuse and Eating Disorders. I’ve worked with trauma survivors for over twenty years and am currently writing a book about my experience.

Education:
I have been doing this work since 1986, and I have been in private practice since 1995, working with adults and couples, and children, adolescents and families. I’ve served as clinical supervisor at UCSD and Children’s Hospital and as clinical director at YMCA (adolescents and families), Casa de Amparo (abused children and their parents), S.T.E.P.S. (juvenile sex offenders) and APS, Inc. (older adults). I’ve pursued the best training available so my clients receive excellent care.

Specialties:
Addictions, Adolescents, Anger Management, Anxiety, Assertiveness Training, Attachment Therapy, Career Stress and Changes, Clinical Depression, Chronically Mentally Ill, Communication Skills, Co-Dependency/Adult Children of Alcoholics, Couples/Relationships/Families, Creativity, Crisis Intervention, Creative Solutions, Dissociative Disorders/MPD/Repressed, Divorce/Dissolution, Domestic Violence, Eating Disorders, Employment Issues, Expressive Art Therapies, Grief/Loss Terminally Ill, Group Therapy, Issues of Abuse (Abused), Issues of Abuse (Offenders), Issues of Abuse (Trauma), Individual, Life Transitions, Personality Disorders, Play Therapy, Pre-Marriage Counseling, Psychoanalysis, PsychoEducational, Post Traumatic Stress Disorders, Religious/Spiritual Orientation, Step/Blended Families, Self Esteem/Personal Growth, Stress, Sand Tray Therapy, Supervision, Trauma Response, Victims of Crime, Women’s Issues, Working With Therapists, Depression

Theoretical Orientation:
Art/Movement/Psychodrama, Attachment, Behavioral, Brief/Solution Focused Therapy, Cognitive-Behavioral, Cognitive, Communications, Developmental/Depth, Eclectic (Many Therapies), Family Systems, Humanistic/Existential, Intersubjective, Narrative, Process, Psychoanalytic, Psychodynamic, Self Psychology, Systems

Insurance:
No managed care, but happy to help clients obtain reimbursement from their insurance

Memberships:
Institute of Contemporary Psychoanalysis - Los Angeles, ICP South Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy Training Program - San Diego, San Diego Contemporary Psychotherapy Study Group, NASW (National Association of Social Workers)

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I am a San Diego-based, California-licensed psychotherapist. I assist my clients in achieving their goals and becoming the men and women they want to be. I love my work and am committed to my clients’ personal growth.

I work well with motivated, higher functioning individuals and couples committed to their own learning, growth and development. I specialize in the following areas:

Individual (1-to-1) Therapy:

• anxiety
• worry and panic attacks
• self-esteem and assertiveness
• recovery from physical, verbal and/or sexual abuse
• sex and sexuality depression
• grief and loss
• addictive behavior (sex, eating, workaholism, spending, etc.)
• stress reduction and relaxation

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I believe that change occurs best in an authentic client-therapist relationship. Along with the client I create a friendly, caring environment from which people can feel safe to explore and express their authentic selves. Through this relationship I believe a person is freer to go into the world more joyous and alive. Clients are better able to connect to others in relationship as well as express themselves in work and play.

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My style of therapy is primarily relational. Together with my clients we create the most effective approach to healing.

I work with issues of sexuality, life needs, anxiety, depression, abuse, addictions and relationships.

I believe in the mind/body connection and have been a Bioenergetic therapist since 1994. I am currently the President and a Trainer for the San Diego Institute for Bioenergetics Analysis. I also use Expressive Arts Therapy in my work with individuals and groups.

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